I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
