planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
