this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
