forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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