you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
