i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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