Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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