Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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