i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
