can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
