Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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