seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
