me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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