at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's get the cat blown out
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
