why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
