when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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