when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
