Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
