drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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