it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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