I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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