what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
