Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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