dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
