i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
