we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
