The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
