I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
