she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
