i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
