and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love having hate sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
