Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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