my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am naked and annoyed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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