worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
