I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
