her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we're making bets on your personal life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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