i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
