The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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