At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
