I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
