I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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