Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
youre lurking in front of me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
