u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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