Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
