"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
