I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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