i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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