So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
