So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
