i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
