There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
