I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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