So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
