is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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