Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
