I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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