i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
