Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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