I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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