I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
