omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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