So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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