help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
