like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
