My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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