i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
