did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
