is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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