White coat. Heels.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
